(S)Lush

I am making this for a holiday party that I am attending tomorrow. It is so damn yummy. Consumed in correct quantities, it makes even the most horrible family-togetherness event passable.

I would be getting absolutely shitfaced drunk on it myself, right this very minute, but. . . there's that whole "responsible gestator" thing. It's totally all about the health of my child, and not at all because I am squicked by the far-apart eyes on FAS babies. Nope. Not me.

Raspberry Vodka Slush

1 can frozen cranberry-raspberry concentrate
1 can frozen limeade concentrate
1 pkg frozen raspberries w/ syrup
2 c vodka
7 c water
2 c hot water
4 green tea bags
2 c sugar

Steep tea bags in hot water for ~5 minutes. Pour brewed tea, water, sugar, vodka, juices, and raspberries into a big-ass plastic container. Freeze overnight, stirring occasionally.

Spoon into big-ass glass, top with white soda, if desired, kick back and get muthafuckin' festive.

A little twist on the Christmas Story.

I was reading the board-book version of the Christmas Story to the Small Child before bed tonight.

Small Child: Mumma, where's baby Jesus' crib?
Veeg: He was born in a stable, honey. That's like a barn. He didn't have a crib.
Small Child: Oh. [studiously considers this for a moment] Did Swiper take it?

A Missive To My Midwife

Dear Certified Nurse-Midwife Who Has Spent The Past Four Months Riding My Ass About My Lack of Weight Gain and Then Turned Around and Spent The Whole Of My Fifteen-Minute Appointment Clucking and Tssking Because I Gained 9 Goddamn Pounds In Four Weeks:

Fuck right off. I just cannot make you happy, can I, bitch?

Sincerely,
Veeg

Beware the Narcoleptic Weeble

So, between the sinus headache that will.not.go.away, and the fact that the Gestating Child is growing at such an alarming rate that the coat that fastened over my stomach without issue just last Friday is now nowhere close to buttoning, I have been spending many, many hours sleeping.

As in, 35 hours between the time I left work on Friday until the time I returned on Monday.

This left very little time for doing much else, including eating. So why is it that my ass has expanded exponentially in that same time period?

I look like a pear on a stick, y'all. And I mean from the side.